My Dirty Little Secret
by KawarthaCosplay4ever
Summary: I was supposed to find a nice girl, get married, all those things they tell you in Sunday school. Yet there I was, on my back, pinned down by possibly the sexiest man ever to walk the earth, about to have sex with him.
1. My First Kiss

It wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this at least. I was most definitely not supposed to lose my virginity to the biggest asshole in the school on professor Vexen's desk. I was supposed to find a nice girl, get married, all those things they tell you in Sunday school. Yet there I was, on my back, pinned down by possibly the sexiest man ever to walk the earth, about to have sex with him. Apparently my mind didn't register that I should be kicking and screaming to get the bastard off of me. I knew exactly what I should be doing but for some reason I wasn't, I couldn't and I guess in some part of me I didn't want to. The feeling was completely foreign to me. I'd never been with another man before, never even considered it but for some reason, in that moment, it felt right. It was almost as if something had clicked inside of me. As lost in my thoughts as I was, I could still feel every heated touch, every harsh kiss. I knew he had done this before. Not only from his reputation but by the confidence he had as he kissed down my neck. I tried to focus on something, anything, but the moment he slipped his hand into my pants I was gone. By the time I could think clearly, it was over and he was cleaning us up. Quickly pulling my pants up and throwing my shirt back on, I turned towards him with every intention of chewing him out for a stunt like that. Immediately I noticed a lack of idiot redheads in the classroom and all I could think is 'that damn bastard going to leave me with the backlash'.

It was nearly a week later before I finally worked up the courage to confront the jerk and another to finally catch him alone. I found him in the library just after third period. I was a little unsure of why he would be there. He wasn't the type to study, or even think of going anywhere near something remotely educational. The very thought of him opening a book nearly had me breaking down in laughter. I was kind of unsure about what I was going to say but I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. I hurried towards where he sat in the farthest corner and sat down across from him. "I'm surprised. You're willing to come near me after the other day." His voice was as smooth as it was the other day and I had to force myself to think of something other than how lovely it would be to hear him moaning my name again. I looked up into his emerald coloured eyes, meeting them with a slight glare. "It's not like I'm here for a repeat performance. It's more of a 'the fuck did you think you were doing' kinda deal." I replied as coldly as possible.

"I was looking for a good lay and you were right there. You didn't seem to have any objections." I gaped at that comment.

"You fucking bastard!" I snapped. "Do you even stop to think about what you're saying? Do you ever think about what other people want? How they feel?"

"My dear Roxy, you should know enough about me to know how I roll. I'm more of a 'love em and leave em' kinda guy." He leaned back and swung his feet up onto the table, crossing his legs at the ankles. Throwing my hands down as hard as possible, I stood, a loud bang filling the room from the contact my hands made with the table. "One day, you will find someone that you care about but because of your attitude you'll lose them." I shoved his feet off the table. "One day you'll regret everything you've done and who you chose to be." I turned, knocking over the chair I had been sitting in before storming out of the room.

It was times like that when I began to wonder what went wrong with humanity. Why did people feel the need to be such assholes? Once I was home I hurried into my brother's room. Ventus had a lot of experience dealing with asses, seeing as he was dating one. Not like anybody but me knew though. Flopping on his bed as he moved his books out of the way, I spread my arms out, sighing. I rolled onto my back and turned my head to look at my brother. People still confuse us for twins although he's nearly four years older. "Ven, how do you put up with Vanitas?" Ventus looked at me like I had suddenly grown three heads.

"I love him. Simple as that. Why?" Sighing I moved to lay across his legs. "Remember the um... incident... I told you about?" He nodded slowly, waiting for me to continue. "Well, I finally got the chance to talk to the bastard. Turns out he's even more of an asshole than I thought." He stared at me, clearly still confused.

"And what does this have to do with Vanitas?"

"He's an ass and you know it. So spill. What's the secret to dealing with his kind?" I knew he wouldn't be happy with my wording but that was the only way I could put it.

"First of all, he's not an ass, he's just misunderstood. And second of all there is really no way to deal with it until you understand it. There's always a method behind the madness. At some point things will become clear." I should have known better than to get a reasonable answer from a philosophy major but, hey, I had to try.

The next few days were terrifying. After my explosion in the library, I couldn't help but be on edge. If Axel wanted to, all he had to do is tell one person and what we did would spread like wild fire. Having sex with someone like Axel was practically suicide. Not only would it ruin my social life but my parents would murder me if they found out and then I could kiss college goodbye. After about a week I figured out it wasn't likely that he'd tell anyone as it would screw up his reputation. God knows that's the last thing we want. As I tried to follow Ven's advice and get inside his head, I found myself staring at him more often. On the days he bothered to show up to class, I had trouble focusing on the work rather than the newest quirk I'd discovered about Axel. It's weird how the strangest things become interesting if you thought hard enough about them and boy, did I think about Axel a lot. It was like a crazy addiction and I just had to get my high. I learned his habits, his routine, where he sat in class, what he ate for lunch, everything right down to the way he sat while he waited for his friends in the mornings. To be honest, I felt like I knew everything anyone could know yet I was no closer to understanding him. The more I thought about him, the more I knew that I had to get to know him. It wasn't going to be easy. People like Axel don't just decide to make friends with you, you have to earn it. That itself was going to be a task and a half. Getting him to open up to me? That was the real challenge.

As the weeks went on I slowly worked my way into Axel's routine. Asking him questions every so often, talking to him in the cafeteria line, little things that would hopefully get him to warm up to me. I'm sure all of my friends thought I was insane. I mean, who wants to be friends with a juvenile delinquent other than another juvenile delinquent. I'm most definitely not a delinquent so I can only imagine how it looked to them. It took me nearly two months to get a reaction out of him but was it ever worth it. Snapping at me in front of half the school had to have been one of the most embarrassing things he'd ever done and this is the guy that tied the principal's underwear to the flagpole. Everyone in the cafeteria was staring at us. It was odd. As popular as I was, I'd never had that many people look at me all at once. He slammed his tray down and immediately stormed off in the direction of the library. All I could think in that moment was that I had done just the opposite of what I'd been trying to do. Instead of bringing him closer I'd pushed him away.

I gave him some time to cool off and when I'd went to find him. I could only hope that he'd calmed down. I was unaware of just how close to the end of lunch it was and by the time I got to the library, the bell to signal the start of class was ringing. For the first time in my life I decided to ignore my natural instinct to run and make to class. I moved silently to the back of the library where I knew I'd find him. Sitting down across from him in the same chair I had when we first officially spoke, I looked up at him. My blue eyes met his green and I saw a sadness that didn't belong in the eyes of someone with such a carefree attitude. Just as before he was the first to speak.

"I'm surprised to see you here." Was all he said.

"Look," I began, looking down at my hands. "I didn't mean to upset you..." I was quickly cut off by a hand covering my mouth.

"You think you upset me? Upset? I'm not upset. I'm completely infuriated." My head shot up at the anger in his voice. "You think I'm down right pissed because you tried to weasel your way into my life? Because you've become part of my routine? No. I'm pissed off because of the way I don't mind having you in my life, because of the way I look forward to seeing you every day. I hate the fact that you're there and that I actually WANT you there. I hate the fact that everything you do make me love you that little bit more and it just does nothing but drive me crazy because I know I can't have you!" At some point during his rant he had stood up only to fall back into his chair moments later when he had finished. He looked so defeated so I did the only thing I could do. I reached across the table that seemed to stretch farther than an ocean and took his warm hand in my cold one.

"Who says you can't be with me?" I asked, my voice shaking with every syllable.

"Why would someone like you want to be with someone like me? Besides I have a reputation to up keep and you have societal norms to conform to." I had never felt so angry in my life.

"So you're saying you're going to miss out on what could be the best thing ever to happen to you because of what some mindless idiots think? Wow, you are a lot thicker than I thought." I stood, turning to exit when I came face to face with none other than professor Vexen. Okay, so it wasn't necessarily face to face because I swear to God everyone in that goddamn school was on steroids. I mean seriously, where do you find a school where more than half the student body is more than six feet tall? I'm sure you can all guess what happened after that. Detention. With Axel. In professor Vexen's classroom.

So there we were, three hours later sitting in the very room where all of our problems started waiting for the hours to tick by so that we could finally go home. Professor Vexen had left around half an hour in to do god knows what. I was alone with Axel surrounded by a silence so thick you'd need a chainsaw to cut through it. Luckily that was just an analogy though neither of us seemed to have the proper equipment to get through it either way. Finally I decided to break through the invisible barrier. "Why are you so unwilling to let go of your stupid reputation?" I asked with a little more bite than intended. When he spoke it was with a coldness that didn't suit his fiery personality.

"It's all that I have. If I gave up on it, I'd have nothing." His words were surprisingly harsh for the calm way they were uttered.

My reply could have went unheard if the slightest breeze had have blown through the class. Fortunately everything was still. I closed my eyes as I whispered the four words that changed my life. "You'd still have me." I didn't have time to open my eyes as a pair of lips met mine. They were entirely too warm, too dry, too everything but it was perfect. A little sloppy but perfect. Axel pulled away all too soon and I allowed my lids to slide open.

"Do you really mean that Roxas?" His voice was soft, carrying the same smoothness that usually accompanied it.

"Of course. I've stuck around this long so why not." An airy chuckle escaped his lips and soon I joined him. Neither of us really had a reason to laugh but there we were, sitting in a dusty science lab giggling like idiots. In one swift movement Axel swept me into his arms, holding me gently. Leaning into his touch I knew it was right. This was where I was supposed to be. Looking up at the gangly redhead in front of me that I couldn't stand at the beginning of the year, I could tell nothing was ever going to be the same. I stood and moved over to professor Vexen's desk, hoping Axel would get the hint. He did. While that wasn't the only detention I would have, all of which were because of Axel might I add, it was the most memorable. Mostly because professor Vexen walked in on us. That is a story for another time though.


	2. Love Hate Heart Break

It was late, way after all the professors had gone home, when I led Blondie to professor Vexen's room and locked the door behind us. I guided him over to the desk by a cold hand that should be nowhere near my fevered one. God was he ever cute. Something told me I shouldn't be doing this. Not with him, not here. This was something I should have been used to, it was something I understood. I have done this with others before. So, why, for that single moment, did it feel so different? I pushed him back carefully until he was leaning on the edge of the wooden desk. He grimaced momentarily. 'The edge must be digging into his back.' And with that thought I laid him on the hard surface, pinning him with his arms raised above his head. I pressed my heated body against his and kissed him deeply. He made the most adorable sounds as I kissed down his throat, nipping occasionally at the pale flesh. 'For a virgin he's pretty good at this' I thought as I slid my hand into his pants. Despite the unrest I felt and the burning touches everything went pretty routinely. It was amazing, though I couldn't wait to get out of there and away from the confusion. When we finished I cleaned up, and got dressed. I had to hurry out of the room before he understood what we had done. I left the room without another thought.

Almost a week had passed, and I still hadn't seen Roxas again. I had wasted enough time wondering if I would ever see him again. I had a project that needed to be done, or I wouldn't pass. As much as I liked to pretend it didn't matter, it did. College was the best way to get out of that shitty town. So I headed to the library. Just after third period, I sat there, my book open, trying to get my mind away from him. A set of light footsteps alerted me to my new companion. Looking up slightly I saw the last person I wanted to when I was trying not to think of him. "I'm surprised. You're willing to come near me after the other day." I said in the smoothest voice I could manage. I wanted nothing more than to have him in my arms but I had a reputation to uphold. I gazed up into his ocean blue eyes as I heard the words. "It's not like I'm here for a repeat performance." 'Damn and I was so hoping we could do that again.' "It's more of a 'the fuck did you think you were doing' kinda deal." He replied coldly.

"I was looking for a good lay and you were right there. You didn't seem to have any objections." I said nonchalantly. I had to seem like I didn't care, no matter how horrible it felt.

"You fucking bastard!" He snapped, clearly not happy. "Do you even stop to think about what you're saying? Do you ever think about what other people want? How they feel?"

"My dear Roxy, you should know enough about me to know how I roll. I'm more of a 'love em and leave em' kinda guy." I leaned back, smirking smugly as I moved my feet from the ground to the table top. The next thing I knew his hands made contact inches from my feet, a loud smacking sound ringing out. 'That must have hurt.'

"One day, you will find someone that you care about but because of your attitude you'll lose them." He shoved my feet off the table. "One day you'll regret everything you've done and who you chose to be." He turned, knocking over the chair as he turned and rushed out. All I could do was sit there, staring at the place that the blond had been moments before.

It was a long walk home so I had plenty of time to think. After the scene in the library, I really couldn't focus on anything but Roxas. He was one of those people that you looked at once and immediately knew he was popular while I was the type of person that his kind didn't think twice about. The two didn't mix, but man, did I ever feel like an asshole for how I treated him. The only reason I was in any sort of hurry to get home was to talk to my brother. I went straight up the stairs to where I knew I would find him.

"Reno, I need to talk to you." I said as I walked in, not bothering to greet him. He was kinda used to me barging in by then.

"Okay, sit down and rant away." he said as he turned around in his computer chair to face me. I sat on his bed.

"Well...you know how I told you about the guy I fucked last week? Well, he came to me today. I think I realised something when we were talking." He didn't say anything. Either he was actually waiting for me to say it or he didn't get it.

"Reno. I think I could love him! This can't be happening. What about my reputation? What am I supposed to do?" I blurted to my older brother. Reno was clearly amused by this situation.

"You can either be nice to him or ignore him. If it is meant to work, it will. Don't let anyone tell you who you can and can't love."

"Reno! This isn't funny. Can't you be serious for five minutes? I can't just let him into my life and I sure as hell can't ignore… him…" I stopped to think for a moment. "Maybe I can ignore him. I have some classes with him. Seeing him should be enough." I stood up, lost in thought and began heading to my own room.

The days went on like normal for me, skipping the classes I didn't like, going to the ones that Roxas was in. I wasn't about to tell any of my friends what had happened in the library or in professor Vexen's room. It would have crushed my reputation not to mention Roxas. I didn't want to hurt him more than I already did. There are some things that should be kept to yourself. School can be a scary place and the moment they have any ammunition against you, they'll use it. If that happened, I wouldn't be a live to see the next day. I just ignored all the questioning looks I got from my friends. In class, I could swear Roxas was staring at me. I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck, watching every move I made. I just continued on with my day, acting like nothing had happened. I didn't want anyone finding out. I sat where I normally would, talked with my friends, normal, everyday activities that made me feel average. Yet, sitting there in my heart was the burning desire to be with the blond with the most dazzling blue eyes I had ever seen in my life. I wanted him to be there for every moment in my life. Not just the exciting, extraordinary days but the common days too. The only question was how.

The weeks dragged on and Roxas slowly started talking to me. He asked me questions here and there, mostly about school work that I didn't have the answers to. I didn't understand why he was doing this. I'm just a nuisance to people like him and Roxas was...well he was nearly perfect. I don't know what his friends thought of this, but mine were getting annoyingly curious. I had to tell them nothing was going on but they didn't believe me anyways. After months of forcing myself to ignore him, I snapped. Roxas had been talking to me in the lunch line but I couldn't take it anymore. I'd had enough of his games. That was my first mistake. My second was yelling at him in a crowded cafeteria. After I yelled at him to fuck off. I just slammed my tray down and immediately stormed off. If he wanted to talk, he knew where to find me.

When he finally came after me, it was nearly third. He got there just as the bell rang to start classes. He should have gone back to class. He surprised me though when he came back to where I was sitting. Roxas sat down across from where I was, in the same chair he had been in the first time. He looked at me, our eyes meeting, his beautiful blue eyes meeting my green ones. "I'm surprised to see you here." Was all I could say without my voice betraying me.

"Look," He began, looking down at his hands. "I didn't mean to upset you..." I covered his mouth with my hand.

"You think you upset me? Upset? I'm not upset. I'm completely infuriated." He raised his head at my words. "You think I'm down right pissed because you tried to weasel your way into my life? Because you've become part of my routine?" I stood. "No. I'm pissed off because of the way I don't mind having you in my life, because of the way I look forward to seeing you every day. I hate the fact that you're there and that I actually WANT you there. I hate the fact that everything you do make me love you that little bit more and it just does nothing but drive me crazy because I know I can't have you!" I sighed dejectedly. I sunk back into my chair, burying my face in my hands. He shocked me by reaching across the table and pulling a hand away from my face.

"Who says you can't be with me?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"Why would someone like you want to be with someone like me? Besides I have a reputation to up keep and you have societal norms to conform to."

"So you're saying you're going to miss out on what could be the best thing ever to happen to you because of what some mindless idiots think? Wow, you are a lot thicker than I thought." he stood, turning to exit when he came face to face professor Vexen. Okay, the next thing was no big surprise, we both got detention for skipping class. And oh boy, our lives were just linked to his class room.

Not just this one, but for pretty much the rest of them that we got together. I'll admit, most of them were my fault, but hey, I didn't mind. I got to spend time with Roxas. The minutes ticked by at a rate of negative 5 and I began to wonder when we would be allowed to go home. Professor Vexen had left around half an hour into detention and that was it. I was alone with Roxas. It was too quiet. Anyone that knows me knows that I don't do silence. Roxas' voice caught my attention

"Why are you so unwilling to let go of your stupid reputation?" He asked harshly.

I spoke in a voice that was cold. "It's all that I have. If I gave up on it, I'd have nothing."

"You'd still have me." Those four tiny words were said way that was so quiet that I almost didn't believe they had been said. As he whispered those words, I moved silently to his side where my lips met his. His eyes had remained closed, but I could tell he was enjoying it. I pulled away, and his blue eyes opened again.

"Do you really mean that Roxas?" my voice was soft, with the hint of the smoothness I was used to.

"Of course. I've stuck around this long so why not." I let a laugh escape my lips and soon he joined me. I took that as the perfect moment to bring Roxas into my arms, holding him closely, but gently. He leaned into my embrace. This was right. I knew in my heart that I finally found my true self. Life as I knew it was changed by this blond. I never knew how much one person could affect your life. He moved to the professor's desk. I had an idea as to what Roxas wanted, and I was most willing to do that again. It was just when things were heating up that the light flicked on and in comes Professor Vexen.


End file.
